![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
leighblackDo you ever have something happen and it's just too...well, maybe too random to be coincidence? My parents had a wedding to go to yesterday afternoon, so I went over to walk & feed the dogs before going to work. (which is how I shared my Valentine's dinner with my true love, Riley) I should mention that I don't really walk the dogs, they walk me. I usually let them pick where they want to go unless we have a time constraint. Anyhow, it was pretty nice out, so we were out for quite a while and ended up over by the house D grew up in. Seeing as how it was Valentine's Day and all, I started thinking about him, and me, and us, or not us.
D was one of my best friends in high school. We got each other, which we couldn't say about most of our other friends. I was also hopelessly in love with him for years. Not the boy I had a schoolgirl crush on - that was Pete Cleary (I wonder whatever happened to that guy?) - but I was really in love with D. He was so smart, yet so uninterested in school. We had a lot of classes together and teachers would let us sit together all the time, because I could somehow get him to do his work. He had it rough. He moved out of his parent's house when he was 16, living with a friend for a while before getting his own place. He made sure to make it to graduation though and I was really proud of him. There were plenty of times we'd ditch our other friends so we could just talk together. He would gush or complain about his latest girlfriend, and I suppose I did the same. Nothing ever happened between us though. I was so shy and bookish and would never have been able to make a move on him back then.
A few years later I met up with him again at a party and all those old feelings came rushing back. Even though I had a date that night (who later became my Gay Boyfriend, and the one who dumped me on Feb 15th), I would have done anything to spend more time talking to D. We kept in touch by phone and met up for drinks once or twice. He had a g/f he wasn't entirely happy with and I had Matt, who I loved...but I knew I wouldn't be spending my life with him. After Matt & I broke up for the third time, I met The Loser and we hit it off right away. Of course, he wasn't as much of a loser then.
Then that night happened. It wasn't a particularly special night. Just a normal weeknight, sometime in April. (April of '98, if you're a stickler for timelines) But I can remember it clearly. I was still living in the townhouse in Eagan and The Loser was coming over to hang out. I was picking up the clothes my bedroom and D called to see what was going on. When I told him The Loser was on his way over, he suddenly told me to ditch him and come over to his place because he wanted to see me. I knew he had gotten rid of his g/f...and the way D said it and the tone of his voice...he had never said anything like that to me before. I was completely mystified and all "what???" Again, he told me to come over right now and I could tell he was completely serious. I told him that I couldn't possibly just leave and not be there when The Loser arrived. That's not who I am. My brain kicked into high gear and about a million things started running through my head. Was he just horny? Was it something more? Was I completely misinterpreting it? What was really keeping me at home? I'd only been dating The Loser for a few weeks, it wasn't like we were serious. This was D and I was still in love with him. All this stuff flew at me in an instant, and I just sat on my bed in silence for a moment.
I finally told him no, and that I was tempted but I couldn't hurt The Loser like that. And life went on from there. I look back on that and it was such a huge fork in the road for me, and it was just a few moments on an ordinary night. Was it the right choice? The Loser & I had our moments and I don't regret it, but what if that was the moment for D & I? What if I completely blew it? Would it have happened for us? Would it would have gone horribly? It still haunts me, to this day.
About two months after this, The Loser and I broke up, even though we were still together. Technically, we only officially dated for about 10 weeks, even though we were together for almost three years. It's complicated. D called me on a rainy night in June, and this time I went to him with no hesitation. It was...weird...and very very awkward. We saw each other after that a couple more times at the bar, but nothing happened between us and we lost touch again.
In 2000, I met J and could have been really happy with him, except that he moved to Atlanta not long after we met. We still saw each other when he was in town, and I still hung out with some of his indy wrestling friends. We were at the bar after a show one night and I almost crashed into D as we passed each other. Sparks flew as we glanced at each other across the bar for a while. My friend was seriously chatting up one of the wrestlers, and I was unattached even though I was still with The Loser and sort of seeing J. D kicked my chair while making his way to the bathroom, and I finally got up the courage to go after him. We stood in that dark little hallway talking and flirting for at least an hour before we decided to give in. I made sure my friend was okay, then took D back to my place. It was much better that time. It was still kind of awkward to me, but I think it was just because I wanted it to work out and spent too much time thinking about it, rather than enjoying it. He ended up spending the night and we spent a lot of time talking. In a lot of ways, it was like we were back in high school. We could still talk to each other about anything and we were always honest with each other. I didn't have that kind of connection with anyone else, and I really wanted to hold on to it. D told me that he knew I was in love with him for a long time, and I couldn't deny it. I don't think it scared him though. It was more like he was amused and maybe flattered.
We ended up spending one more night together not long after that, then lost touch again. I'd hear about him once in a while. He worked at an Italian restaurant my parents went to a lot and he would tell them to say hello to me. I was in the car with my dad one day and passed D as he was getting into his truck. I completely turned around in my seat and looked back at him as he was looking at me, but that's the last time I've seen him. I'd heard he moved to California, but I know he's been back here for about a year and a half.
I know, you're thinking "Nice story, Leigh. But what the hell does that have to do with anything?" I had all that swirling around my brain while I was with the dogs, then as I was at work watching the desperate guys searching for Valentine's cards and presents. Funny how I wasn't waxing poetic about any of my ex's or anyone else I'd dated, just D. I had to look up a Hallmark card number for a customer and when she gave me her name I realized it was D's sister. Time almost seemed to stop for a split-second and my hands nearly started to shake. I finally asked to make sure that it was her, then commented that I went to school with him. I didn't want to be rude and bombard her with questions about him, so I just asked if maybe she could say hi for me the next time she talked to him, if she remembered. She said she'd be sure to, and wrote my name down and everything. Then she said something about how she was going to call him earlier, then remembered it was Valentine's and thought he'd be busy, or at least she hoped he'd be busy. So, I guess I don't really know what that means. Or what any of it means. Was it just a random encounter? Was it fated? He knows how to find me now, even if it is at Hallmark. I'd like to see him, even just to catch up.
If you made it through all that, you should get a cookie. Have a stupid meme instead.
Stolen from Lee over on MySpace...It's a Jager survey!!
Section 1 - The Dark Mistress
1.) When was the last time you drank Jagermeister? Uhhhhh...I have no idea. It's been a while. Maybe my birthday.
1.1) If you answered "N/A" or "Never" - why not?
2.) Do you remember your first Jager shot? Chad made me. At the Elbo Room in Chicago.
3.) What's your favorite Jager related drink other than straight shots? Jager Bomb!! Yumm!
4.) When was the last time you threw up from Jagermeister? Nashville was the one and only time.
5.) Have you ever committed an act of public nudity due to Jagermeister consumption? Again Nashville, but mostly because I was too drunk to realize Thomas was pulling my shirt down.
6.) Have you ever bought the person who took this survey before you a Jager Shot? Have I? I'm not sure. I'll have to make up for that!
Section 2 - ministry of silly questions:
7.) What is your name? Leigh, or The Legend, or the Jager Bitch
8.) What is your quest? To have fun and laugh a lot
9.) What is your favorite color? Black & silver
10.) Accountant, Lumberjack or Lion Tamer? I'll go with lumberjack, just because
11.) Do you like stinky cheese? I prefer unstinky cheese, thanks
12.) Do you know what Lutefisk is? How could I live in Minnesota and not know???
Section 3 - Music related questions:
13.) Have you ever been humped and/or kissed on the face by a member of any local or national death metal, extreme metal or metalcore band? What??? We'll go with no.
14.) Who was your first musical crush? Davy Jones from The Monkees
15.) What was the first album you ever bought with your own money? Whitney Houston's first album, on cassette
16.) Who was the first local band you ever saw? Brass Kitten, probably
17.) Who was the last local band you saw? Holiday!
18.) Who was the last national band you saw? The Dandy Warhols
Section 4 - quickies
19.) Taint or Chode? Wow, this survey took a sudden odd turn. Taint
20.) Spanker or Spankee? Spankee
21.) Dark, White or Milk? Dark
22.) Pop or Soda? Soda, because I refuse to give into the Minnesotan pop thing
23.) Faux-Hawk or Peppermint Patty? Patty, I guess
24.) Tennessee Waterfall or Missouri Compromise? It's called Hockey Hair here and I'm sticking with that
Section 5 - vague questions
25.) What's that smell? Stale recycled air
26.) Who was that? Gay CubeMate coughing
27.) Why did you do it? Why not?
28.) When is the right time? 6:24, because that's what my clock is stuck on since I haven't replaced the battery
29) How do you do that? I'm flexible like that
30.) Where was it? In the back of a Volkswagen
D was one of my best friends in high school. We got each other, which we couldn't say about most of our other friends. I was also hopelessly in love with him for years. Not the boy I had a schoolgirl crush on - that was Pete Cleary (I wonder whatever happened to that guy?) - but I was really in love with D. He was so smart, yet so uninterested in school. We had a lot of classes together and teachers would let us sit together all the time, because I could somehow get him to do his work. He had it rough. He moved out of his parent's house when he was 16, living with a friend for a while before getting his own place. He made sure to make it to graduation though and I was really proud of him. There were plenty of times we'd ditch our other friends so we could just talk together. He would gush or complain about his latest girlfriend, and I suppose I did the same. Nothing ever happened between us though. I was so shy and bookish and would never have been able to make a move on him back then.
A few years later I met up with him again at a party and all those old feelings came rushing back. Even though I had a date that night (who later became my Gay Boyfriend, and the one who dumped me on Feb 15th), I would have done anything to spend more time talking to D. We kept in touch by phone and met up for drinks once or twice. He had a g/f he wasn't entirely happy with and I had Matt, who I loved...but I knew I wouldn't be spending my life with him. After Matt & I broke up for the third time, I met The Loser and we hit it off right away. Of course, he wasn't as much of a loser then.
Then that night happened. It wasn't a particularly special night. Just a normal weeknight, sometime in April. (April of '98, if you're a stickler for timelines) But I can remember it clearly. I was still living in the townhouse in Eagan and The Loser was coming over to hang out. I was picking up the clothes my bedroom and D called to see what was going on. When I told him The Loser was on his way over, he suddenly told me to ditch him and come over to his place because he wanted to see me. I knew he had gotten rid of his g/f...and the way D said it and the tone of his voice...he had never said anything like that to me before. I was completely mystified and all "what???" Again, he told me to come over right now and I could tell he was completely serious. I told him that I couldn't possibly just leave and not be there when The Loser arrived. That's not who I am. My brain kicked into high gear and about a million things started running through my head. Was he just horny? Was it something more? Was I completely misinterpreting it? What was really keeping me at home? I'd only been dating The Loser for a few weeks, it wasn't like we were serious. This was D and I was still in love with him. All this stuff flew at me in an instant, and I just sat on my bed in silence for a moment.
I finally told him no, and that I was tempted but I couldn't hurt The Loser like that. And life went on from there. I look back on that and it was such a huge fork in the road for me, and it was just a few moments on an ordinary night. Was it the right choice? The Loser & I had our moments and I don't regret it, but what if that was the moment for D & I? What if I completely blew it? Would it have happened for us? Would it would have gone horribly? It still haunts me, to this day.
About two months after this, The Loser and I broke up, even though we were still together. Technically, we only officially dated for about 10 weeks, even though we were together for almost three years. It's complicated. D called me on a rainy night in June, and this time I went to him with no hesitation. It was...weird...and very very awkward. We saw each other after that a couple more times at the bar, but nothing happened between us and we lost touch again.
In 2000, I met J and could have been really happy with him, except that he moved to Atlanta not long after we met. We still saw each other when he was in town, and I still hung out with some of his indy wrestling friends. We were at the bar after a show one night and I almost crashed into D as we passed each other. Sparks flew as we glanced at each other across the bar for a while. My friend was seriously chatting up one of the wrestlers, and I was unattached even though I was still with The Loser and sort of seeing J. D kicked my chair while making his way to the bathroom, and I finally got up the courage to go after him. We stood in that dark little hallway talking and flirting for at least an hour before we decided to give in. I made sure my friend was okay, then took D back to my place. It was much better that time. It was still kind of awkward to me, but I think it was just because I wanted it to work out and spent too much time thinking about it, rather than enjoying it. He ended up spending the night and we spent a lot of time talking. In a lot of ways, it was like we were back in high school. We could still talk to each other about anything and we were always honest with each other. I didn't have that kind of connection with anyone else, and I really wanted to hold on to it. D told me that he knew I was in love with him for a long time, and I couldn't deny it. I don't think it scared him though. It was more like he was amused and maybe flattered.
We ended up spending one more night together not long after that, then lost touch again. I'd hear about him once in a while. He worked at an Italian restaurant my parents went to a lot and he would tell them to say hello to me. I was in the car with my dad one day and passed D as he was getting into his truck. I completely turned around in my seat and looked back at him as he was looking at me, but that's the last time I've seen him. I'd heard he moved to California, but I know he's been back here for about a year and a half.
I know, you're thinking "Nice story, Leigh. But what the hell does that have to do with anything?" I had all that swirling around my brain while I was with the dogs, then as I was at work watching the desperate guys searching for Valentine's cards and presents. Funny how I wasn't waxing poetic about any of my ex's or anyone else I'd dated, just D. I had to look up a Hallmark card number for a customer and when she gave me her name I realized it was D's sister. Time almost seemed to stop for a split-second and my hands nearly started to shake. I finally asked to make sure that it was her, then commented that I went to school with him. I didn't want to be rude and bombard her with questions about him, so I just asked if maybe she could say hi for me the next time she talked to him, if she remembered. She said she'd be sure to, and wrote my name down and everything. Then she said something about how she was going to call him earlier, then remembered it was Valentine's and thought he'd be busy, or at least she hoped he'd be busy. So, I guess I don't really know what that means. Or what any of it means. Was it just a random encounter? Was it fated? He knows how to find me now, even if it is at Hallmark. I'd like to see him, even just to catch up.
If you made it through all that, you should get a cookie. Have a stupid meme instead.
Stolen from Lee over on MySpace...It's a Jager survey!!
Section 1 - The Dark Mistress
1.) When was the last time you drank Jagermeister? Uhhhhh...I have no idea. It's been a while. Maybe my birthday.
1.1) If you answered "N/A" or "Never" - why not?
2.) Do you remember your first Jager shot? Chad made me. At the Elbo Room in Chicago.
3.) What's your favorite Jager related drink other than straight shots? Jager Bomb!! Yumm!
4.) When was the last time you threw up from Jagermeister? Nashville was the one and only time.
5.) Have you ever committed an act of public nudity due to Jagermeister consumption? Again Nashville, but mostly because I was too drunk to realize Thomas was pulling my shirt down.
6.) Have you ever bought the person who took this survey before you a Jager Shot? Have I? I'm not sure. I'll have to make up for that!
Section 2 - ministry of silly questions:
7.) What is your name? Leigh, or The Legend, or the Jager Bitch
8.) What is your quest? To have fun and laugh a lot
9.) What is your favorite color? Black & silver
10.) Accountant, Lumberjack or Lion Tamer? I'll go with lumberjack, just because
11.) Do you like stinky cheese? I prefer unstinky cheese, thanks
12.) Do you know what Lutefisk is? How could I live in Minnesota and not know???
Section 3 - Music related questions:
13.) Have you ever been humped and/or kissed on the face by a member of any local or national death metal, extreme metal or metalcore band? What??? We'll go with no.
14.) Who was your first musical crush? Davy Jones from The Monkees
15.) What was the first album you ever bought with your own money? Whitney Houston's first album, on cassette
16.) Who was the first local band you ever saw? Brass Kitten, probably
17.) Who was the last local band you saw? Holiday!
18.) Who was the last national band you saw? The Dandy Warhols
Section 4 - quickies
19.) Taint or Chode? Wow, this survey took a sudden odd turn. Taint
20.) Spanker or Spankee? Spankee
21.) Dark, White or Milk? Dark
22.) Pop or Soda? Soda, because I refuse to give into the Minnesotan pop thing
23.) Faux-Hawk or Peppermint Patty? Patty, I guess
24.) Tennessee Waterfall or Missouri Compromise? It's called Hockey Hair here and I'm sticking with that
Section 5 - vague questions
25.) What's that smell? Stale recycled air
26.) Who was that? Gay CubeMate coughing
27.) Why did you do it? Why not?
28.) When is the right time? 6:24, because that's what my clock is stuck on since I haven't replaced the battery
29) How do you do that? I'm flexible like that
30.) Where was it? In the back of a Volkswagen
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2006-02-15 06:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-02-15 06:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-02-15 08:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-02-15 06:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-02-15 06:54 pm (UTC)Did j finally make it home safe & sound?
no subject
Date: 2006-02-15 07:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-02-16 04:00 am (UTC)thanks for sharing your story. i hope that whatever is meant to be for you and D comes true sooner rather than later.
no subject
Date: 2006-02-16 04:09 am (UTC)Thanks. I'm okay with whatever does or doesn't happen. It was just kind of a weird thing yesterday.
no subject
Date: 2006-02-16 04:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-02-16 04:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-02-20 01:03 am (UTC)I don't ever want to jump Joanna's bones, but I do feel an intense bond with her. I think if a friendship survives high school, then there will always be a connection there.
no subject
Date: 2006-02-20 03:57 pm (UTC)