(no subject)

[leighblack]

Wow. Best xkcd evar today!



Seriously, I feel the pain.

So, have you ever picked up a book and been so immediately disgusted that you put it right back down? I have a pretty high tolerance so I can't say this has ever happened to me. I made it through Wideacre for goodness sake! But it happened last night.

A couple weeks ago, I bought Night Life by Elizabeth Guest. It's some paranormal romance about vampire in Las Vegas who's really from Ancient Egypt. All things I enjoy reading about, so I thought it would be a winner. Well...it starts out in Ancient Egypt because this vamp dude is actually Seti and he happens to be dying. In the second paragraph he starts detailing how his body is going to let go when he dies, including a comparison of his sphincter muscle to a lotus flower opening up as it releases his bodily fluids. Uhh, okay? What the hell is this doing on the first page of a romance novel? I mean, get me a little invested in the story before going into gory details and maybe I can forgive it.

But on the second page, Seti starts going into the embalming process and how they'll stick a sharp file through his nostril and twirl it around to yank his gray matter out. And then how they'll pour a caustic substance in his head and swirl it around to clean the rest of the matter out. Ugh. Just no. I know this is how it happened and all, but do I really need to be reading about this? I still have no idea what this has to do with the story! He's dying. Okay. He's apprehensive about dying. Got it. But it seems there's some other way to go about getting this across.

I keep going, and Seti knows he's going to die so he goes through the process of ensuring eternal life for himself. Which involves masturbating into a jar, saying some magic incantation over it and then drinking from the jar. What? Seriously, I can handle weird stuff. I loved Exquisite Corpse and that book was super fucked up. But I expected it in that book. What the hell is going on in this little pararom? Is this how the author is trying to suck people into the story?? Because, no. NO. (Errr, not that there's anything wrong with people swallowing semen. It was just really out of place in this story. Certainly, it's the strangest way I've ever read for someone to become a vamp.) Even though it was the only thing I brought to read at work last night, I closed it and won't be opening it again for anytime soon.

Anyhow...after much internal debate, I decided to purchase a Permanent Account today. Yes, I know. LJ has had it's problems lately. But I doubt I'll be leaving any time soon. Especially since I'm planning to get my brother started up with an lj before he leaves for Korea. And the pull of 138 icons is strong! ;)

Comments

[seimaisin.livejournal.com]

Eeesh. Thanks for the warning - I almost picked up that book at B&N this weekend, but then decided that the ancient-Egyptian-vamp-in-Vegas thing was a little too hokey for me to read without further investigation.

I want to buy a permanent account, but I keep wavering! My credit cards don't need that kind of workout right now, but man ... I don't plan to leave here anytime soon, either!

[leighblack.livejournal.com]

I kept flipping it over to make sure it still said that it was a paranormal romance. Because I seriously had no idea what was going on.

My paid time was coming up soon (or my extra icons, one of those) and I just decided that I would be better off in the long run. I really wish I'd been able to afford the Perm Acct last time it was offered.

[rockerlee.livejournal.com]

I'm just going to have to wait another two years or whatever to buy a permanent account. Blahsies.

[leighblack.livejournal.com]

I was wavering about buying it, but it made sense once I started adding everything together. It was just kind of a painful amount.